The 'Incident'
by theoriginalmeathead
Summary: OneShot. Basically, Rita Skeeter is in James and Lily's year and they play a few...pranks on her...LEJP! Inspired by koonelli check out her stories! They're fantastic! All of them!


**Disclaimer: **I own nothing.

**The 'Incident'  
**_By The ORIGINAL Meathead_

A week after the 'Incident' as Rita liked to call it she was still getting laughed at no matter where she went. Not even the teacher's could control themselves! She sighed and continued walking down towards the library...no-one would think to find her there.

The ' Incident' was a practical joke that had been played on Rita by James Potter, who Rita plans on marrying someday, Lily Evans, who Rita hates with all her guts, Sirius Black, who is cute but not cute enough, Remus Lupin, who as Sirius is cute but not quite cute enough, Verity Hooch, who Rita also hates because she is Lily's best friend and around 13 other Gryffindor first years. She was locked in a broom closet, soaked wet, attacked by pixies, had her nose swell and turn turquoise, had feathers grow out of her ears, had boils appear all over her hands and face, had troll mucus put in her shoes, had her hair turn to blue straw dreadlocks and had her picture taken and published in _Hogwarts Hearsay_, the school newspaper.

Rita growled in remembrance but as she was passing the Charms corridor she heard a loud giggle. A giggle that she, for an unknown reason, could distinguish as Lily Evans giggle. 'Aha! A way to get back and that slimly toad for stealing my James,' she thought. She followed the sound until she reached the charms classroom. She slipped inside. Congratulating herself for her excellent stealthiness...for the lack of a better word from her vocabulary.

She froze at the sight before her.

There, right in front of her, was ALL the little brats that had helped those...PEOPLE...and James humiliate her. They were all lined up and were taking pieces of candy from a HUGE Honeydukes bag. Just the sight of it made Rita's mouth water, chocolate was her weakness...especially when it was given to her by James, but this had only happened in her dreams but she was SURE AS HELL that if that Evans slut had never been a witch and had stayed in Muggle World where she belonged that James would, at this precise moment be feeding her chocolate and asking her to marry him.

She was about to move forward when she realised, no-one had seen her. She could watch the whole thing, whatever it was that was happening, and no-one would find out. But that's what she thought. She had of course, failed to see the mirrors on the other side of them room, giving Lily, James and Sirius, the people who had their backs to her, a clear view of what she was doing.

Once the bag was empty one of the young Gryffindor first years said slyly, "You know..."

Lily sighed and said, "We know..." she gestured for him to move on.

"I don't think this fully pays for what we did...I mean five pieces of chocolate..."

The other first years, who clearly had no idea what he was but nodded anyway trying to figure out what he wanted. James sighed heavily and walked over to the boy and said, "What else do you want?" The boy whispered something in his ear, loud enough for all the first years to hear him as well as James.

The other first year's eyes widened and all the girls started giggling and nodding their heads vigorously. James looked at loss for what to do. He turned around and he caught sight of Rita, but pretended not to. He grinned. How perfect. He looked at Lily, trying to tell her with his eyes to go along with him.

"The boys want a kiss on the cheek from you and the girls want a kiss on the cheek from Sirius and I," he shrugged, "I guess we have no choice."

He clapped his hands and said, "Right. Two Lines. Girls this side. Boys this side."

He smirked at the speed at which they formed the lines. Lily hopped down from the desk that she had been sitting on and walked over to the boys line. Knowing full well that everyone was watching her, she said, "Well it's not fair if the girls get two kisses and you boys only get one is it?"

The boy that was first in line looked at her with big, wide eyes and shook his head. Lily had to suppress a giggle. These kids really were good actors. What Lily didn't know was that most male first years didn't have to act star struck around her, they already were.

She bent down and kissed him, once on both cheek. He went bright red and the rest of the boys laughed at him. He retorted, "Let's see if you can do it without blushing."

The next boy moved forward and Lily did the same thing, after kissing the 8 boys that had been in line she turned towards where the girls were lined up, but peeking in the mirror to see Rita's reaction first. Rita looked like she was a tomato, her face was so red with anger, she had suffered in silence as all the younger boys flattered and fawned over Lily but this was really too much. She was getting redder by the minute.

When Lily finally looked over the other side of the room she saw all the girls patiently waiting. Where were? She looked back at her own line and laughed out loud. James and Sirius were on their knees in front of her looking up at her with puppy-dog faces. She grinned and tried to suppress a giggle. She leaned down and kissed Sirius on both cheeks and then sent him off to the girls that were waiting for him. She looked at James and saw that he was blushing a bit. She leant down and quickly kissed both his cheeks as well. When she pulled back James grinned at her before scrambling over to the other side of the room.

Lily watched Sirius and James complete before they both exchanged glances and headed over towards Lily. Lily knowing what was coming did nothing to move, remembering her audience. Sirius approached first and leaned over and kissed her, catching the corner of her mouth. When he pulled away she rolled her eyes at him. She turned and looked expectantly at James who looked a bit nervous. He approached Lily and asked her a silent question. She nodded. He bent down to kiss her in the same place that Sirius had but she turned her head at the last minute so that he kissed her full on the lips instead. They pulled apart and smiled at each other. Then with a pointed look at everyone else moved towards the door, pretending that they couldn't see Rita.

They waited patiently for everyone to get out of the room before the five seventh years pointed their wands at the door simultaneously all muttering different spells. Rita suddenly screamed from inside the room. She burst out of the room and saw everyone watching her. Rita's appearance changed before their eyes.

Her blonde hair had turned a disgusting colour of fluorescent green and had grown floor length so that she was tripping over it every other step and it looked like it hadn't been washed in weeks. Her uniform was suddenly 3 sizes too small so she was having difficulty standing up straight, the uniform forcing her to bend over to walk comfortably. She had grown hot pink coloured hair over all visible parts of the body and she had toilet paper hanging out from the back of her robes, creating a huge bulge that made her look as if she had a bunny tail under her robes.

She took off running and Sirius commanded everyone to follow her. The lunch bell rang. A manic smile appeared on Sirius's face.

"Perfect," he muttered.

They all got to the Great Hall just in time to see Rita rush over to the _Slytherin_ table and grab Severus Snape's hands. She then yelled, "I LOVE SEVERUS SNAPE," before engaging him in a snog fest. A loud "EWWWWWWW" chorused around the hall before everyone started laughing again.

The five all took their spells off. Rita and Snape kept snogging. They all looked at Sirius who was frowning. "I took the spell off I swear!"

Remus shrugged, "Maybe we are just really good match makers..." Silence followed this suggestion. Then another loud, "EWWW."

Shaking her head, Verity said, "Why don't we go have lunch in the kitchens? That way we can eat!" She rolled her eyes. Everyone nodded quickly and filed out of the hall.

James and Lily lagged behind. After walking for a minute or two in silence Lily said softly, "I guess you want to know why I moved my head so you kissed me."

James looked at her and said just as softly, "Only if you want to tell."

Lily stopped walking and looked up at James. She smiled. "I think I'd rather show you."

She reached up and kissed him full on the lips. At first James was in shock but he quickly started responding. They pulled apart only when the need for oxygen was great. They were both grinning widely. They continued their walk to the kitchens.

When they reached the entry Lily said in what she hoped was a would be casual voice, "You know, we should meet up at Hogsmeade sometime."

James grinned and replied in a just as casual voice, "Are you asking me out Miss Evans?"

She replied, "I Guess I am."

"Well then, I guess my only answer can be yes can't it?" He winked at her but then said in a serious voice, "So do I get to call you my girlfriend now?"

Lily slid her hand into James's and stood on her tippy toes to whisper in his ear, "Only if I can call you my boyfriend." She pulled back to see his reaction. He grinned and captured her lips with his.

When they pulled apart Lily said amusedly, "I guess I'll take that as a 'yes' then."

With that they entered the kitchens, holding hands, to the wolf whistles of their friends.

**The End.**

* * *

**This was my response to the 'SkeeterBeater party' that koonelli organised in her story The Beautiful Game (WHICH YOU ALL HAVE TO READ ITS THE BEST... :D)...because you see, in koonelli's story Skeeter is a nuisance and gets a bit annoying so we had a chance to make her feel as bad as possible and yeh...here were the guidelines we had to follow...**

1) Try and stick to cannon. For example, I really doubt there are any fire extinguishers at Hogwarts.  
2) No electrical appliances of any kind.  
3) No glass.  
4) Please do not kill Rita Skeeter. This is murder and I may have to call the police. Besides, I might want to use her in another fic and I can't do that if she's dead now, can I?  
5) You can even re-write the broom closet scene in the previous chapter if you want. You might not want to have her in a broom closet at all.

**Disclaimer: Well obviously, I am not J K Rowling so all HP thing you recognise are hers and also the first prank that is mentioned, Verity (Lily's best friend in this fic) and Hogwarts Hearsay (the school newsletter - run by Rita Skeeter for the most part...:P)) belong to the great koonelli...(WHOSE FICS YOU ALL HAVE TO READ!)**

**Please Review... **

**Sam**


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